Second Chances
by Jessica Lauren
Summary: Isabella Swan was changed in 1867 at the age of sixteen, after being the victim of abuse for a previous eleven years. How does she cope in her new life? What if the one she loved was the one she couldn't have? What if it was her own fault?
1. Author's Note

Dear Reader,

'Second Chances' is under proper redrafting and editing. I wasn't actually going to take down the whole story while I did this but then I realised that the story wasn't going to make sense between old and new chapters. So, all of the old chapters are taken down and they will be replaced one at a time, if it's the last thing I do. I promise that this won't take two years, and I hope you lovely readers can bear with me.

THANK YOU :D


	2. Patience

**P A R T O N E**

"There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere,

and many of us will have to pass through

the valley of the shadow of death again and again

before we reach the mountaintop of our desires."

_-_**Nelson Mandela**

**Chapter One: Patience**

"Carlisle."

Even though he was upstairs, he would still hear my quiet voice. I tapped my fingers against the counter, impatient. I had never really been patient. Carlisle had always told me that patience was the key. The key to what exactly? I never really understood him and his abnormally high intelligence quotient. I wondered idly about patience and the symbolism behind it being 'a key'. I was just being silly, really. I knew exactly what he meant when he said patience was the key. He meant, and I quote from one time when I really got on his last nerve; 'Bella, shut up and stop whining for five godforsaken minutes'.

Carlisle was by my side long before I'd wiped the smirk off my face. His expression contorted slightly, confused to why I was smirking at whatever was going on inside my head. I smiled at him, which was code for 'let it go'. The confused look on his face was quickly replaced by a naturally casual expression, free from worry. An expression like that was out of place right now, especially on one who looked as healthy as a horse.

"What's on the agenda today then?" I asked, following him at a relatively slow human pace towards the front door of our small and silent home. No matter what I did to the place, it always felt cold. Even if I painted the walls bright red and placed vases of flowers everywhere, the theme of the house would still feel abandoned. I didn't know what to do. I supposed that no living person had lived in that house since the plague, which was a _very_ long time ago. Maybe it was because the previous owner of the home had actually died within its walls, and he still haunted the building. No, that's just sounds stupidly melodramatic.

"We're checking wards and removing the deceased, Isabella," Carlisle replied lifelessly. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around him from behind and pecked his cheek. Carlisle and I had a past, I'll admit but we weren't in anything serious presently. We were what we wanted for one another. If he needed a friend, I would be there. If I wanted sex, he would be there. I knew that both of us wanted more, wanted more than what we had but neither of us could admit it. Not after the last time.

Carlisle and I had been working in the hospital for little over a year now, and it still felt strange putting the nurse's uniform every morning. I was Carlisle's assistant. Sure, I had majored in medical and bioscience and could probably become a good surgeon myself, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself like that. Physically, I was only sixteen years old. Unlike many vampires I had met, I had a talent, as one might call it. Carlisle was quite startled after he learnt of my gift. The only talented vampires he had met were the Volturi. I could change the likes and dislikes of myself and others, in any case.

When Carlisle told me why his eyes were such a vivid gold - as he only drunk the blood of animals - I immediately put myself off the blood of humans. The thought of ever drinking human blood appalls me but I cannot change the taste of it. I know that if I try it I will like it. I cannot change a vampire's nature, but I can change how it smells to a vampire. I can change the likes and dislikes of both vampires and humans alike. I could make two people fall so hopelessly into infatuation, but I would never do that. I say infatuation because I know that what I can do is most definitely not causing two people to fall in love.

It was a confusing talent that Carlisle and I did not really understand. However, it made things easier for both of us. He asked if I could put him off human blood as well, and I did, even though his great compassion had helped him for the past couple of centuries. He said that human blood doesn't really bother him anymore, but it was just in case.

The hospital wasn't far away. The word hospital would be used extremely loosely here, as it honestly wasn't much of a hospital. It was a prison for the sick. I could hear people shrieking from the outside of the building. That alerted Carlisle. It always did. I could see the alarm in his eyes, sense the unmistakable stench of blood that assaulted his nose and see every hair prickle on his forearms. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows that fine summer's morning. I on the other hand, was used to all of things which troubled Carlisle. No one could help these people. These people were as good as dead. Carlisle never believed that. We could help these people in a very inhumane way but I had never really felt inclined to change a human in a vampire.

We walked into the hospital where we got odd looks from the nurses in the foyer. No one really understood why a stunning man and his outrageously beautiful little stepsister worked in such a horrible place, especially now in the midst of the Spanish Influenza epidemic. I was still waiting for a disease that would finally let Carlisle and I go to rest, even thought technically my human years weren't over yet. Although I doubted that I would be alive right now if I was human. I'm sure that _someone _would have shoved a knife into my back by now.

I sighed as I followed Carlisle through the building. I was waiting for orders. I was waiting for him to tell me who I should kill next. He never liked to see humans suffer, so I had offered to put an end to their lives if he thought it was necessary. I killed at least one person everyday. I would never be able to wash the blood off my hands, now that it had built up too thick. Not even God could forgive me of the sins I caused and will continue to do until the day I finally die.

I picked up the clipboard sitting on the counter of Carlisle's office. I read through it quickly, "The Masen's were checked in last night. They're pretty bad. Edward Masen isn't going to make it," I stopped when I saw Carlisle stiffen. He flashed his golden eyes at me, urging me that I should continue without pause. "Elizabeth had to be moved from the room Edward and their son was, because she kept tending to them, even though she is far worse than the son but not as bad as Edward."

Carlisle sighed, no longer a marble statue on a chair. He beckoned me over with two of his fingers. I set the clipboard on his desk and knelt at the side of his chair. I laid my hand on his cheek and pushed it gently so he was staring at me. "We aren't gods Carlisle. You can't save everyone." I pecked his lips gently at stood up, walking away from him and picking up the clipboard again. "Edward won't make it, Carlisle. Say the word and I shall be blasphemous." I was no god, but I could kill the creatures of God and give them new life. I could pretend to be God, but no vampire could ever be Him.

His golden eyes bored into mine. I could almost feel their force. He couldn't understand the way I could kill without a second thought. It was in my nature I guess.

He sighed again, "Yes Bella. I think you are correct. It is a sin to see Edward Masen suffer like that."

I nodded. He could never say '_kill_' straight to me. He thought up some complicated way but if he wanted me to kill someone, he would say '_Yes Bella_'. I turned around and headed out the door, smiling crookedly. I found some peace when I killed a human. I was a vampire after all and I could never be Carlisle. He never found any peace in killing. That was our one major difference.

I checked the clipboard to see what room Edward and his son, Edward, were in. It was going to be complicated if Edward Junior was awake. It was very unlikely though. No one in a room full of disease could stay conscious for long. I walked at a quick human pace up the halls until I reached Edward Masen's room. I opened the door quietly and went in. No one had seen me walk in so I closed the door tight and locked it. The room was dark and smelt of blood, sick and male sweat. I kept my face composed however. I would reopen the blackout curtains when I was finished with Edward Senior.

"Mother, is that you?"

A broken, coarse voice mumbled from under the covers of the bed on the right. I walked towards it too see a beautiful young boy. He must have only been in his late teens, at the very most. His skin was sickly pale and almost transparent. I could see every vein and artery pumping quickly under his skin. His breaths were quick and shallow. His messy bronze hair lay matted and greasy against the pillow. The emerald eyes that searched endlessly for me were bloodshot and most likely blind to the world.

"No sweetie," I murmured in a motherly voice. Pulling the chair sitting next to his father's bed over, I sat next to Edward Junior. "I am Nurse Swan. Can I get you anything?"

"Yes," he choked. "I want to see my mother."

"You can't honey. You're very sick. You don't want you mother to get sick too."

He closed his eyes and opened them again, "Why is everything so dark, Nurse Swan?"

"I don't know," I spoke softly and lay my hand against forehead. The scorching temperature of his skin caught me unaware, and I pulled back, feeling the sting of the burn against my icy hand. Humans burnt so hot when they were sick.

"That felt nice, Nurse Swan." I thought I saw him smile.

I rested my hand back on his forehead, ready this time for the burning sensation of it. I must admit that it was uncomfortable for me but I knew my skin was extremely cool and it felt pleasant to him. Quickly with my free hand, I pulled a rag out and rinsed in the bowl of cold water beside the bed. I replaced my hand with the rag and gently brushed it across his face. He sighed at the coolness and relaxed.

"My name is Edward," he smiled, showing his slightly yellowing teeth.

"I'm Bella," I replied.

"That is a pretty name," he commented politely. I was surprised how he could speak so well in his condition. The influenza was an extremely unpredictable disease.

"Thank you," I smiled. "How old are you, Edward?"

"I'm seventeen," he coughed a little after speaking. He was only seventeen. I wanted to cry. He was only seventeen years into his life and he was going to die. I was only sixteen when Carlisle found me. I wasn't dying. I'd just made bad choices. Carlisle gave me a new life to see what I would become if I had someone help me make the right choices. "How old are you, Bella?"

"I'm sixteen," I lied to him. His pale face looked shocked.

"Why are you employed in the hospital? How can you work among the sick when you are so young?" He asked, his breaths coming quicker and shallower now that he was talking so much.

"My stepbrother and I lost our parents to the influenza," I whispered, forcing my voice to break as if I was about to cry. "We wanted to help. Dr. Cullen is an excellent doctor."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"No, no," I smiled. "Don't be sorry. Now, the least you can do is go back to sleep. I don't want to lose anyone else."

He chuckled, "are you not scared of catching the disease yourself?"

"No, I am not. I already caught it and my body healed itself completely. I am very well and immune to the disease."

He nodded and yawned.

"Sleep," I ordered. He chuckled and closed his eyes. I got up silently and walked over to Edward Senior.

"Will you come back, Bella?" Edward Junior asked me whispers.

"Do you want me to?"

Yes," he replied in a hoarse voice. "You are very kind."

"Thank you," I smiled again. "Sleep now."

I laid two fingers against Edward Senior's neck. No pulse. No heartbeat. Dead and I did not even harm him. I sighed and unlocked the door of the room. I covered Edward Senior's head with the sheets and wheeled him silently out of the room. I hoped that Edward wouldn't regain his sight. I didn't want him to hurt anymore than he did.

I wheeled him to the morgue slowly. I saw a little of his matted bronze hair poke out of from under the sheets. I felt like I was wheeling Edward Junior to morgue. No, I couldn't let Edward die. I just couldn't. He was too young. Barely had a chance to experience life to the full. But how could being a vampire let one experience life? We were not alive. I vowed I would talk with Carlisle tonight as I closed the door of the morgue and left Edward Senior behind.

* * *

Stroking a little lock of blonde hair that was tickling my neck, my eyes gazed into those of Carlisle's. His head lay against my breast, listening to an imaginary beat that he used to know. As I stared into those eyes, I could see that he was somewhere far away, long ago. Thinking of when my skin was soft and my tissues held my own blood. I listened to his steady breathing and pretended that my heart still continued to beat. When I was human, I thought that to be an immortal was everything. I thought that mortality was common and easily dismissed. There was nothing lost when a human died. They overpopulated the world with their love of alcohol and sex. That was what I thought. How wrong I was.

Carlisle sighed and sat up, bringing me up with him. There we were, in our little abandoned house late at night with only the dead for company. We sat naked on the couch; the lust filled moment we had shared had passed. I combed my fingers through my hair slowly, feeling the unnatural texture beneath my fingers. Humans didn't have such strong, soft and silky hair. On the outside, vampires were bait for anyone who looked their way. Oh, what I would give for greasy hair and body odor once again.

He sighed again, "You hate this, Isabella. Every day and every night, I watch you grow tired with this life. I have done everything in my power to excite you, to regain that spark you had when you were young. What can I do?" He paused for a brief second and grabbed my face with both hands. He drew me so near that I could feel the awesome force of his eyes against mine and his breath against my lips. "I'm scared you will leave me for better things, my Bella."

Carlisle was having his midnight panic attack. He had these every once in a blue moon. I guessed that they were a consequence of living so long. In a way, they scared me. They reminded me of how old Carlisle was and how I was going to be that old someday. Time was going to drive me head first into insanity. I wasn't saying that Carlisle was insane. But maybe in two thousand years or so, time would finally manage to drive us both into suicide.

"I didn't kill Edward Masen today," I murmured, breaking the awful silence between us. He let go of my face and slumped back on the sofa, his eyes dulling. The panic disappeared from them, only to be bottled up inside somewhere. It would bubble up again someday. I knew each and every time it happened, I died a little inside. It hurt me that he worried about me so much. It hurt me knowing that he was paranoid that I was going to leave him. I could never leave him. Even if I did, I would come running back.

"What do you mean? I heard you take him to the morgue," He replied in a carefully composed voice.

"His son was awake. I talked to him. He is a nice kid. By the time I got Edward Junior to sleep, Edward Senior was dead. His son has yet to notice the disease has made him blind," I explained slowly.

He chuckled quietly, "whatever did you and Edward talk of?"

"He was surprised that I was only sixteen years old. I had I lied and told him that our parents were victims of the influenza. I said that I had already caught the influenza and I was immune to it as he had asked me if I was scared about catching the disease. He is so young Carlisle, only seventeen. It's so sad to think that he is going to die from this horrific epidemic."

Carlisle slid over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder and he began to stroke my hair with his fingers. I could feel every individual pull of my hair and how reassuring it felt. He did not say anything back to me at all. My eyes were on the strong cords of muscle I could see protruding from his thighs. If he were human, I would see the blood pulsing within those muscles. However, all I noticed was how still they were, and how unnatural it looked.

"He wants me to come back to him. I am human enough to know it will hurt when he dies, if I spend too much time with him. I do not know anymore."

"You can go and see him when you wish Bella. The wards are so full at this present time. Due to this, we are bunking Edward up with his mother tomorrow, that is if she survives the night."

I exhaled quickly, "She does not look good, does she?"

"Not at all," Carlisle replied, an emotion I recognized as sadness strong in his hard voice. "When you and I were in surgery today, Elizabeth crept from her room to Edward's to nurse him. If she does not give her son peace, it will be the death of her."

I sat up straight with a sigh and surveyed Carlisle's steadily darkening golden eyes. Touching his lips, I felt my own lips part to say words that did not want to be said. I felt his sweet breath my cheek and his lips parted beneath my thumb.

"Is this how you feel for every human that dies beneath my hand?" I whispered, not able to speak the words at full volume. "Is there a hole in your chest from knowing that you could save every dying human life in this world? Is there a burn in your heart when you think of that because you would not wish this life upon anyone, from knowing that destroying a human soul is not worth immortality?"

The corners of his lips turned up, just a little, at my words. He pulled me close and I brushed his cheek with the hand that I had been using to touch his smooth lips. And then he kissed me, with a passion and an emotion that I did not recognize. I closed my eyes and let the kiss engulf me. This was why I could never leave Carlisle. He could never fail to surprise me, no matter how long we lived. I loved him.

Once his lips left mine, he brought his lips to my ear and murmured, "Yes Bella. I always feel like that."


	3. Choices

**Chapter Two: Choices**

Standing in the corner of the surgery, I was meant to be helping Carlisle but I could not stay focused for even a second. Therefore I was forced to watch and learn, though I had watched this particular surgical procedure too many times to count. It was a simple operation; removing glass from a wound in a man's leg. For Carlisle, it was far too easy. To humans, the smaller pieces of glass would be impossible to see with their blurry eyes but for Carlisle and I, even the microscopic pieces of glass were all too obvious in the wound.

I tidied up as he wheeled the patient out of the theatre. The day before, we thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if we left all the bloody surgical equipment in a bowl of vampire venom overnight. The tools were spotless and there was absolutely no sign of blood in the bowl of venom that morning. We decided then and there that the most efficient equipment cleaning agent was our own bodily fluids. At least the venom dissolved the blood and didn't dry up; we would be spitting for weeks just to get enough to clean the tools for surgery. One bowl of the liquid would last forever, unless someone decided to set it on fire.

After I had finished tidying, I left the theatre and headed towards the Masen's room. Entering silently, I saw a wheezing and coughing red haired woman standing over Edward, wiping a damp rag over his similarly red face.

"Mother, please return to bed. You are too unwell," Edward's voice whispered feebly.

"No honey, you are going to be absolutely fine," Elizabeth replied to him, in a hoarse but motherly voice.

I watched them for a few seconds, unblinking. They had not noticed my entrance. I was silent and the roar of blood rushing in their ears would probably deafen a human to the slighter noises of life. The way Elizabeth's body was bent over Edward's bed was hurting her. There was so much pressure on her already fragile lower back at the way she was angled. I could see so clearly in her stance of how much pain she was honestly in, but refused to submit to the agony. She was a strong and beautiful woman. Perhaps to human eyes, she was not as physically beautiful as she probably was when she was a young lady. Her body was a curvy hourglass shape and her delicate bronze hair stuck to her sweaty face. Her eyes were of the brightest emerald green; those eyes of which her son had inherited.

Awestruck by the scene before me, I quickly came to my senses and cleared my throat. "Excuse me, Mrs. Masen, would you be so kind to return to your cot. You are very sick and I would be more than happy to nurse Edward for you," I said with an authority that sixteen year old girls could not possess.

She rapidly scrutinized me from head to toe, her eyes too quick for someone in her condition. The way her expression was set told me so much about her. She was a wealthy woman, a snob perhaps. She was a lady whose main reason for living was to care and tend for her son and husband. "You are only a little girl. What in the heavens makes you think you know anything regarding to nursing?" She said, not so much a question, more of a rude comment.

"On the contrary Mrs. Masen, my brother and I are the most successful physicians in this area," I replied sharply. I had dealt with people like her before. People like Elizabeth Masen simply could not believe that children such as myself could do anything right, especially in hospitals. She believed she could do a job a thousand times better than I could. She believed that Edward would live if she nursed him and not I.

"Who do you think you are saying that?"

"I am Doctor Isabella Swan, Mrs. Masen. It is my job to take over from what you are doing."

"Bella?" Edward wheezed. "You came back."

"You know this girl, Edward?"

Elizabeth's voice was very kind and gentle towards her son, in an almost possessive kind of way. I wondered if she was the type of woman who had deliberately loathed all of his past companions because she was scared of letting her little boy grow up into a man. She was afraid that he would not need her anymore. A woman like Elizabeth desperately needed to be relied on. I could see the need in her eyes, then and there.

"Yes mother, she is my friend. She was so very kind to me, only yesterday. You must let her take over from you, she is so very gentle," Edward insisted. I glided forward quickly and coaxed Elizabeth gently back to her bed. She lay down without a fight and I tucked her in. Her skin was extremely hot, however she probably felt like she bathing in ice. There was no energy left in her body. I could tell from her fragile breathing.

I heard the door open and Carlisle walked in. He smiled at me, a small smile that caused my breath to catch in my throat. Taking my wrist, he pulled me swiftly to the corner of the room to talk. His eyes were unfathomable, somewhere between solid and liquid. His expression was just as illegible. This was his hospital mask. In our little abandoned home, he was so open with his expressions and his thoughts because he knew he could trust me. Every day, he offered me his dead heart on a silver platter and I was confounded to why he placed so much trust in me.

"I thought I saw you enter this ward," he murmured, too low and fast for the humans to hear. His eyes looked pointedly at the mother and child as he said, "How are they?"

"Elizabeth continues to tend to her son. She is tiring herself so much, Carlisle. You must speak to her. You are so much gentler than I. I do not hold much charm over this human."

Carlisle nodded once, his eyes methodical, "And the boy?"

"I have not yet seen to him."

"Check on him now whilst I talk to Elizabeth."

I nodded and walked over to Edward, picking up a damp rag and then wiping it gently over his unnaturally crimson face. He sighed at my cool and gentle touch. His eyes were half closed but I doubted that he even noticed. There probably was not much difference between having them open and having them closed. I watched his long eyelashes for a moment. The shadow that the candlelight made seemed to make his eyelashes twice the length they actually were; like huge spider's legs etched into his skin. In a flash, my hand had unconsciously reached out and my fingers had diminished the flame. Of course, if my fingers had not already been wet from the cool rag, I would probably have lit up like a firecracker.

"How are you feeling today, Edward?" I asked in a soft voice, vaguely aware of the conversation between Carlisle and Elizabeth. Words like 'dead' and 'all that I can do' circled my brain like vultures. Those vultures awoke the wasps in my stomach and they started stinging. It was all in reaction to what Carlisle and Elizabeth were talking about. They were talking about not letting Edward die, even though it was almost certain he would.

"Better than I did a few days ago," he replied with a small smile. His voice diminished all of the unreal wildlife in my body for that moment. Knowing that he was alive right now, was enough to keep the wasps and vultures away, just for a little while.

"That is very good," I said as enthusiastically as my broken heart would let me. Why had I grown so attached to this human I had barely known for a day?

"I wish my mother would stop tending to me. She should rest as she is far worse than I. My eyesight is coming back to me, and I can see her red face. Bella, she does not look good at all. Please, you must restrain her to her bed before the death catches her too."

"She wants you to live, Edward. If you survive this, she will too."

The words were lies. Human attitudes had no affect on whether they would live or die. Even if Edward did live, his mother was far too exhausted to carry on. Excluding the chances of a spontaneous recovery, the likely hood of Elizabeth Masen living to see the next sunrise was almost impossible. Human life was so fragile, and that was why I believed human life to be so tragically beautiful. I envied that. I was jealous of their morality and their soft, supple, _changing_ beauty.

Edward coughed little and I helped him to sit up as I could hear his stomach shooting whatever lay dormant in there, up his gullet. Quickly, I pulled a bucket out from under the bed, placed it on his lap and arched his head over it. He threw up and his nose bled. I tore of a piece of tissue sitting on the table next to the bed and waited for him to finish. It was mostly the food he had eaten recently and a little blood. No matter where I looked, I always saw blood.

Taking the bucket from his lap, I replaced it with an empty bowl. I laid one hand on the back of his skull and gently pinched his nose with my free hand. "Breathe through your mouth and spit out any blood," I murmured to him in a calm and composed voice. Despite my perfectly serene voice, I felt a little of what was left of my humanity die on the inside. He looked faint and uncoordinated, but he seemed to understand my instructions.

My eyes darted to Carlisle, who was watching me but when I caught his eyes, he turned his attention back to Elizabeth.

"You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward," she said, in such a commanding tone that bewildered me. That sentence had come straight from her heart and soul. It must have. There was no other way such a powerful voice could have come from such a sick and tired woman. Emotion was such a powerful thing, so powerful that it sometimes scared me. Then and there my stomach flipped as my eyes glanced back at Carlisle. His hospital mask had completely disappeared, replaced with the anxiety I felt overwhelming inside of me.

"She has just lost consciousness," Carlisle whispered, too silent and fast for Edward to hear. He quickly arched his back so to feel her breathing against his cheek. Suddenly, he was in emergency mode. She was not breathing and I could hear her heart beating so fast. Faster than someone who had sprinted for hours. My mind was blank. What could Carlisle do? He had administered some of the dwindling supply of oxygen that the hospital had left, but her lungs were filling with blood; like sponges in water. She could not gasp a breath to choke it out. Elizabeth Masen would die from drowning in her own blood.

Letting go of Edward's nose, I stared at the panic stricken Carlisle rush around this dying woman to try and save her. Edward coughed and spat out some blood, completely oblivious to both his mother and Carlisle. I picked up the bowl before his head fell to the pillow. The sleep he entered was somewhere near comatose.

"I cannot do anything," he said in such a hard icy voice that I thought he was going to break down. He grabbed fistfuls of his blond hair and pulled as hard as he could. It never got any easier for Carlisle. He honestly hated working so close to death but would feel guilty if he did not help preserve human life with his beyond human abilities. I laid my hand against the small of his back and led him from the room, murmuring to one of the nurses to take Elizabeth's body to morgue. We entered his office, and I locked the door.

The next thing I knew, Carlisle's handmade dark tinted mahogany desk was in two, split and broken in a moment of sheer anger and helplessness. I shot forward and grabbed Carlisle's shoulder's, trying to shake him out of it. We had to get out of Chicago. Time had passed far too quickly and it was taking Carlisle as its prisoner by killing innocent people. After a few rapid shudders, Carlisle composed himself somewhat.

"Did Elizabeth Masen know what we are, Bella?" he asked me quietly, his voice deep in thought. "How could she? How could she know that we are damned and how could she want to barter her son's soul in exchange for eventual insanity? Her dying wish was for _me_ to save him in a way others cannot. What do I do?"

I did not reply. There was nothing for me to say. The decision was his, not mine. Elizabeth asked for Carlisle to save Edward. On the outside, I kept my expression illegible so I would not alter Carlisle's own decision. However on the inside, I was secretly drowning with happiness. Edward would be saved. That boy dying in that bed would be forever healthy and would never remember such an awful experience.

"I cannot do such a thing," Carlisle whispered. "I have done the satanic deed once and no god of any religion would forgive me of that mortal sin. I do not know if I can do it again. You can still remember how much pain I put you through _before_ I even bit you. I cannot forgive myself for doing that to you."

"You do not have to put him through _that _pain," I said reassuringly, refusing to remember _that_ pain. He was not sure how he was changed from mortal to immortal himself that night he changed me, so he recreated the wounds he had received the night that he was attacked. The excruciating pain was almost as horrific as the change itself, but I had long forgiven Carlisle for it. He did not know and I would not hold that against him.

He approached me and laid his palms against my cheeks. I watched his eyes again, almost brown in the dimming light. I wanted to kiss him, but now was not the time. I wanted to hold him close against my heart and feel his lips touch my skin. I wanted him to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

"I still cannot do it," he stated and shook his head. "I do not know. By the time I will have this thought through, the boy will be dead. I do not even trust myself enough to restrain my instincts anymore." His hands fell from his face and he looked at me with begging eyes. "Would you do it Bella?"

"Me?" I stared at him, shocked that he had even asked.

His breath stopped and he said, "This is what you want, is it not? This boy will make you happy. He will be yours, Bella. Forever and ever, no matter how far away he might be, he will always be yours. Your venom will be his. Edward will give you what I cannot. He will excite you and love you the way you deserve to be loved, and I will be there too. Together, we will make each other happy. Just us three."

Carlisle wanted to mould Edward, like putty in his hands. He wanted to make Edward the one I could go to when Carlisle could not make me happy. Carlisle was willing to share me with Edward, because he loved me. Edward would not get a choice in it. He would be too confused and all too willing to follow whatever we told him, because he would be too scared to trust his own thoughts and instincts. We would make Edward ours.

I breathed in and out slowly, mimicking Carlisle breaths. I had not realized that I had let my guard down, my thoughts so wildly drawn towards images of Edward as a vampire. I felt the luscious scent of something raw and warm and wet. My throat suddenly flared and my stomach ached in a hunger that I had not felt since I was a newborn. "Edward is bleeding," Carlisle murmured and he met my eyes. "Bella?" My eyes were probably wild and black, showing the unrefined instinct swelling somewhere deep inside.

I suddenly felt pressure on my lips. I couldn't see what it was at first; all I could see was the image of me hunting down Edward and drinking his blood. I forced my eyes closed so all I could see was black. I knew this was Carlisle. I could feel the animalistic passion that matched mine as our lips violently fought against each other's. Our teeth clashed and his tongue twisted with mine. This was our way of letting out instinct; kissing each other as violently as we could until we could not even remember our own names.

I sighed through my nose and opened my eyes. Carlisle's were already open and we drew back from each other. He said, "You need to hunt."

"Not now," I breathed in a rush, thankful that my gift was firmly in control. "We have to save Edward."

Carlisle did not question me. Honestly, he seemed a little smug that he had managed to convince the inconvincible Bella in a matter of minutes. He followed me silently back to Edward's room. Edward was covered in the blood that was pouring from his mouth. His face was blue. He could barely breathe. I had never witnessed a death like this before, simply because I would always look away whenever the chance came. I never wanted to see a human suffer like this.

"We have to get him to the morgue, bite him there and then take him home."

I nodded and looked straight at Edward. His breathing was so shallow, and he was unconscious again. He had taken a turn for the worse. He was dying, right before my eyes. I covered his head with the sheet and got ready to wheel him out of the room. Carlisle was waiting for me in the hallway and I followed him down to the morgue. Déjà vu set in as I wheeled Edward down the hall. It was like wheeling Edward Senior all over again, except with one difference.

Once we entered the morgue, I closed the door tight and walked at an immortal pace to the window. I opened it wide enough so Carlisle would be able to carry the boy out of there. He had pulled the sheets down to Edward's shoulders and turned his head to the side, so his neck was fully exposed. I stared at Carlisle with wide eyes. I really did not know how _not_ to kill him. I never had tried human blood before.

"Pull me back," I whispered and Carlisle nodded.

"Bella?" Edward croaked, his eyelids unmoving.

"Yes Edward?" I replied moving towards him and laying my cool hand on his smoldering forehead.

"You smell beautiful," he mumbled.

He was probably too incoherent to realize how silly his words had sounded. However, I was still extremely surprised regarding to how well he could talk. I took a deep breath and arched myself, my nose skimming his neck. The blood that pulsed so invitingly beneath his skin smelt horrid. I closed my eyes. Taking the young, supple skin between my teeth, I bit down with as much force as I could conjure up. His blood washed my lips but before I could even lick them, Carlisle had pulled me back. The blood tasted so warm and salty; so inviting. There wasn't enough on my lips to even make a dent in my thirst. I was alone in the morgue, wanting nothing more to follow Carlisle back to the house and drain Edward before it was too late.

However, I just could not.


	4. Selfish

**Chapter Three: Selfish**

The walls of morgue began to close in on me, and with them the bodies of people drew closer to me. Standing there, it made me realize how all of these bodies would either be claimed by family or sent to the crematorium to be burnt to cinder beyond recognition. Their urns would be planted six feet deep in holes in the earth, with nothing but a little wooden cross marking their grave. Maybe their name would be engraved onto the little wooden cross. However, it was more than likely that the crosses would not the bear the name of those ashes. Human existence was so easily forgotten and this seemed to prove it.

I slid out of the window and onto the twilit street. It was empty. Not a soul roamed the sick streets of Chicago. The influenza reminded me of the plague, except people just lay in their own houses to rot. No one ever wanted to go to the hospital because they knew the treatments were barbarous and painful. They knew they were going to die in the end. Carlisle and I had been living in New Orleans before we came to Chicago. The plague broke out there in the early nineteen hundreds. Carlisle being Carlisle, we made a lot of house calls during that time.

My hand on the handle, I turned it slowly and walked inside. The smell of blood hit me like a slap on the face with a wet towel. The constant groaning from upstairs was enough for the hairs on my arms and back to stand on end. I still had enough humanity left to understand just how awful the change was. Hearing Edward cry out like that was enough for me to shoot upstairs, like I was a bullet fired from a gun. Carlisle hovered over Edward, cooling his impossibly crimson face with icy palms. I saw that Carlisle had gagged Edward, so he was unable to scream. He was so scared. His bright green eyes darted, not focusing on anything in the room. He could not concentrate on anything, anything but the pain.

Carlisle stood back then, seeing without looking that I had entered the room. I watched the boy, too bewildered by pain to understand what was happening. I knew how it felt. I knew how there were two different places whilst one's body undertook the change. There was a dark place, a non-reality, a fantasy and the pain seemed to dull to a distant burning. The dark fantasy kept the pain away. I remember I hated that non-reality. I hated being kept in the dark but whenever I tried to see, everything was a violent shade of red. I wanted to see Carlisle's face more than anything. I remember wanting him to kill me. I screamed and screamed, begging him to kill me.

Edward could not beg and plead for death. He was gagged to prevent the neighbors from getting suspicious.

I walked over to Edward and sat next to him. My fingers swept over the contours of his boyish face. He would not look like such a lovely child after the change was complete. We were natural predators, taking on the shape of what our prey were completely awestruck by. Some humans were not charmed by the looks of one vampire, but may be completely dazzled by another. Some of us looked younger and some of us looked older after our change. I looked younger, like a beautiful little china doll. Edward would look older. I could tell by the way his face was undertaking the change. This jaw and cheekbones were sharpening, while his humane youthfulness was sucked from him.

* * *

Three days passed and I had never circled a room so many times since I was human and locked in my bedroom. I waited. I watched Edward fall into many states of consciousness, some I could hardly differentiate from awake or asleep. Sometimes I wondered if he was comatose or just sleeping with his eyes open. Carlisle came and went, not daring to return to the hospital. The Masen's were the richest family in this part of Chicago. Of course, the nurses noticed that we had brought him to the morgue. The police would get involved soon. Edward probably had rich relatives somewhere else who would try to find him. They would not, however.

"The change is almost complete," I whispered on the night of third day.

Carlisle had not exchanged a word since I had bit him. I never dared to leave Edward, scared he would wake up alone. So, Carlisle had succumbed to kissing me in his presence. I doubt he even noticed our physical gestures of love. His attention was most likely on tongues of fire that licked his veins. Carlisle said he would be ours. A human might be disturbed by that thought; that we were claiming him as a partner. Humans believed that there was only one true love out there. Perhaps that is true, for them. They had a very short and fragile life span; barely enough to find their soul mate. For a vampire, they had forever to find their beau. Perhaps for some, after a while, one is not enough. They find another to share a part of themselves with. I knew that I would never have agreed to the idea fifty years ago, but now, things were different. Carlisle thought he was not enough for me. Perhaps that was true. I was not completely sure myself. All I knew was that I wanted Edward with a passion I did not recognize.

"His heart is racing," he replied back to me in the same near inaudible voice.

Facing Carlisle, I gave him a pleading look. "I have no superhuman talents. We are just wanderers, Carlisle. I cannot have every vampire I create relying on my talents. I can barely keep my guard up for myself with you depending on it."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed, "That is selfish, Isabella. Would you rather him reap the streets of wherever we migrate to, killing every stranger that crosses his path? Brutally _playing_ with humans before finally putting an end to their misery? Think about what is best for everyone. The world is a safer place when you use your talent."

I gritted my teeth, "Do not be like that. Would you rather me sit in a corner all day every day, keeping tabs on every vampire in the world to prevent them from ever drinking human blood? It is selfish for you to even think that way. Do you want me to put humans off murder, war and killing animals too? I am not God! And if there is a God up there, he _wanted_ us to crave and drink human blood!"

Carlisle shook his head at me, disappointment evident in his eyes. How could he think I was selfish? He just could not understand what it was like, keeping tabs on him _all_ the time to make human blood smell vile to him. Keeping my guard up for him and myself gave me a strange sort of headache that never went away. That headache would only increase in pain with my guard keeping Edward from smelling the real scent of human blood.

My hands tightened into fists as I watched Edward, still undeniably angry with Carlisle and his lack of understanding. His heartbeat was ascending rapidly as each second ticked by; it was struggling. His body was dying so his soul could be frozen inside forever. The pounding organ had taken off, the sound almost a single sustained note. I watched as his teeth bit and tore at his gag, screaming at the sudden pain I could almost feel just by looking at him. His eyes were closed so tightly, as if salt had just been poured straight into them. I could imagine the pain rescinding back and back, building up in the center of his chest.

His heart faltered. It missed a beat and was slowing down. Three more and it had stopped for five long seconds, before letting out one last extremely feeble beat.

I looked Carlisle. His eyes were wide, staring at Edward. He leaned forward and quickly tore off his gag. Edward moved so quickly, if I had blinked, I would have missed it. He was crouched defensively. Carlisle's touch was obviously enough to send him into a frenzy. A single touch and he felt violated. The violation caused a snarl to rip from his chest. The inhumane snarl shocked him. I could see it in his ruby red eyes.

His quick, darting eyes centered on me after a brief pause, "Who are you?" he murmured. His voice was much lower now, not to mention as smooth as silk. I only had his sick voice to compare it too, and he sounded so much _healthier_. The pitch and depth of his voice shocked him as well, almost as much as the snarl and the rapidness of his movements had.

"I am Bella Swan," I said, speaking for the first time in three days. I indicated with my hand to Carlisle, "This is Carlisle Cullen. You are safe now, Edward. Everything is absolutely fine."

He did not believe me; I could see it in his eyes. They began to dart around the room again, seeing for the first time with his vampire eyes. He would only have blurry human memories to compare to. I could see how stunned he was. His stance told me everything. Then his eyes zipped to Carlisle and a growl slipped out from between Edward's teeth. Edward with raw, primitive and completely unknown instinct felt threatened by the only other male in the room. I could see that Carlisle was ready to slip into a defensive half-crouch at any second. Fighting went against his very nature, but he would do anything to protect me. He would anything to protect his family, even if that meant putting an end to its newest member because he threatened the safety of the others.

Seconds ticked by like whole minutes, and my eyes took in every one of Edward's reactions to this change. Then he straightened up but he mimicked Carlisle, ready to fall back into that offensive crouch if need be. He took a breath, held it and exhaled. "Where am I, Bella?" he asked, his voice quieter now and completely unsure. His crimson eyes met mine in a moment of fear. He was scared now.

"Our home," I breathed and placed my foot in front the other, forewarning that I was going to step closer to him. Edward's eyes glanced down at my feet and give me a brief nod. I could approach. He trusted me. However, I could tell that he held no such trust in Carlisle. Newborn vampires were very primitive creatures. Males felt threatened by other males, while there was no such threat from a woman.

I took that step forward. I felt Carlisle's hand wrap around my wrist. Primal instincts were awakening in him too. He had to protect his mate. I wondered if that was what he viewed me as, somewhere deep inside. Suddenly, another snarl broke from Edward's chest. He was crouched again. This time he was facing Carlisle, teeth bared. He roared and before I could comprehend, Carlisle was thrown head first into the wall behind me. Unfazed by the sudden attack, Carlisle snarled this time. His attack was slower than Edward's, but I knew Edward could not foresee how Carlisle fought his opponents. There were very few times when I had seen Carlisle attack someone, but the way he fought was unique. He never attacked the front because that was too close to the teeth. As an English gentleman, he would not attack from behind because it showed fear and weakness. He fought at the sides; smashing holes through skin like a hammer through a hollow marble statue.

However, I watched closely as Carlisle made his attack. I was awestruck as Edward quickly moved out the way. There was no technique in his movement. There was nothing to indicate that he was a fighter. But how did he premeditate Carlisle attack? Carlisle was as shocked as I was as Edward rose his hands in defeat.

"Why did you do that?" Edward asked, full volume with his lips still curled over his teeth. I saw his hands ball into fists in confused frustration. His eyes narrowed, flitting between me and Carlisle, neither of us saying a word. What was he talking about? He was the one who attacked first, so in response Carlisle attacked because he felt threatened. That was why.

His eyes landed on me, "Not that, I understand why he fought back. Why did he tell me what he was going to do?"

I gasped, a sharp intake of breath invading my lungs. If I were human it probably would have given me the hiccups. "How did you do that?" I whispered. I walked carefully towards him, ignoring Carlisle's long continuous warning growl. The tips of my toes touched his and I looked up at him. His eyes were weary, tired with the abnormality of it all. He took my face extremely gently in his hands and closed his eyes, his expression deep in thought. Carlisle's sustained growl changed slightly in pitch. This time his growl was not warning, instead it was possessive. Edward was touching what was his and he did not like it. Carlisle was going to have to learn that we were not enough for each other; that I was not only his and that he was not only mine anymore.

"You speak to me. You both speak to me but your lips do not move. How do you do that?" He whispered, his eyes still closed.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His finger brushed the place where the two creases of my flexed brows were parallel to each other. Still, his eyes were closed. _Can you hear me?_ I thought. Edward nodded once and opened his eyes. They were calmer now. The red of his irises were not as menacing and confused as they were only minutes ago. I pressed my lips together in a hard line as Edward looked at Carlisle.

"No," he murmured to him. Carlisle's growl stopped abruptly and I met his sad eyes. I had missed something. Carlisle had thought something and Edward had answered. He had a gift. He could hear the thoughts our minds were processing. Although, it must have been hard for him. A vampire could think many things at once. It must have just sounded like a rush of babble if we were not thinking towards him.

"Vampire?" Edward repeated, hearing the word in my head.

"Carlisle made you better, Edward," I lied, making sure that the lie was what I believed. He would be able to see through my transparent lies because he could read my thoughts. But if I believed that Carlisle changed him, perhaps he would think I was telling the truth. "You are an immortal now."

His hands dropped from my face. With speed and grace that I once had fifty years ago, he glided to the full length mirror mounted onto the wall. He gasped. His hands flew to his face, feeling the sharp contours of his white face. Feeling the dark ridges under his eyes, his sharp intake of air hitched in his throat as he saw those fierce eyes. Shaking his head a little in disbelief, he studied himself carefully, trying to find a little of what he used to be hidden beneath that beauty. Every flaw that made him human was gone.

"Vampire," he whispered again as he stroked his lips with the tips of his fingers.

"I must apologize to you Edward," Carlisle murmured. "I did not mean to be so violent, but I am sure you have realized how even the tiniest emotion sends you into a frenzy."

Edward nodded deeply in enthusiastic agreement, his eyes still on his reflection. Carlisle continued, "Do you wish to know anything? I will tell you all that I know of our existence, if you would only listen to my thoughts." Edward's eyes met Carlisle's reflection and he nodded briefly in agreement. Carlisle closed his eyes and I guessed that he was going over absolutely everything he knew of what we were, which was far more than what I knew. He was interested in what made vampires vampire and what made humans human. He was sure that we were a completely different species from humans, just like a domestic cat and a mountain lion. I never really understood him when he went on little tangents about chromosomal counts and deoxyribonucleic acid. I probably could have if I paid attention but science never had really captured my attention. I knew enough to pass medical school, and that was more than enough for me.

When Carlisle opened his eyes, he looked straight at me. His expression was blank but Edward probably knew exactly what he was thinking. My lips parted but I could not think of anything to say. Finally words came to my after a few long minutes, "What now?" I asked the two marble statues before me.

"We must leave," Carlisle replied.

"Where is my mother?" Edward asked, changing the topic abruptly.

"She is gone," I murmured.

"You decided to s_ave _me, but left my mother for the dead?" his voice was as hollow and empty as I felt. I flinched.

"Can you not feel that ache in your throat? That thirst?" Carlisle said softly. Edward's head snapped up and he glared at him for bringing the thought to the forefront of his mind. "You will live with that, forever. That hunger will never be satisfied, no matter how much blood passes your lips. Would you really want that for your own mother?"

Edward took his words in and froze. "Why me?" he almost hummed.

Carlisle looked at me, not willing to answer Edward's question. I could not answer either. Was it because he dying? Was it because I could not stand by and watch another human who had not had the chance to live die before their time? Death followed Carlisle and I everywhere, and just this once I wanted to save someone.

I sighed. Edward simply shook his head, unable to understand my thoughts.

"Will you stay with us, Edward? Or would you rather go on your own?" Carlisle asked ever so gently. Edward looked a little fazed by the idea of leaving the only familiar thing he had left; _me_. He knew me from his human life. He knew that I had helped him and cooled him down when he was warm. That I had talked to him when no one else would go near him, except his mother.

"I will stay," he said, "if that is fine with both of you."

I nodded eagerly with a large smile. I wanted him to stay more than anything. His expression softened at my excitement. The room was very still for at least a minute. Carlisle and I had begun to breathe again, but Edward was just a statue. I walked over to Carlisle, and hugged him tight. He was surprised by this but returned my hug all the same. I whispered to him, "Thank you."

He just nodded and kissed my hair before walking out the room without saying a word. Once the door was closed, I smiled darkly at Edward, my teeth bared. Edward's eyes widened a little in shock, I guessed. But once he heard my thoughts, he seemed to calm just a little. Although, I was pretty sure that those thoughts forming in my mind aroused him somewhat. We had forever to get to know each other, and sex was the best way in my opinion. I wanted to know how he worked, what he needed other than blood to make him happy. I wanted to know what made him scream and beg for more. There was a dark side of me, a side of me that killed a little of the love I held for Carlisle every time it broke to the surface.


	5. Bad Romance

_**A/N:** Enjoying this new version? Please let me know in a review. Tis darker now, I must admit and it will keep getting darker. However, I have just put a little note here for the violent, angry, abusing, male on male sex between these two lines you'll see if you scroll down. Ha, I'm only kidding, but the sex is there. It's not explicit, it sort of just hints what's happening. If you don't want to read the sex, then please do just skip to where the second of these horizontal bars are. Oh, and I'm afraid that the rating may go up to M just to be safe sometime in the near future. I'm not one for explicit violence or sex, but I don't want to be implicated. This story is now for a 'Mature Audience', so all I have to say is if you don't like it, don't read it. _

* * *

**Chapter 4: Bad Romance**

"Bella," he growled, his unsure voice a warning. "I do not think this is such a grand idea."

I just continued to grin darkly as I stalked closer to him. He was moving back from me, like we were both the negative ends of two magnets. His ruby eyes darkened a little in desire as he watched mine, going through every plan my mind was forming. Now his arousal had made a physical appearance as my eyes faltered for a moment and glanced at his pants. He seemed embarrassed, but it only heightened the strength behind my sinful grin. He shook his head slightly, eyes wary.

"Edward," I pronounced his name slowly, in a low and predatory voice. I stopped in my tracks as soon as my toes touched his, "You are an immortal now. You will live forever and ever and you will feel life rush over your very lips over and over again until you are sickened in the mind by the very thought of it. Think of this act as a way of breaking the ice of your animalistic instinct. You are not a gentleman anymore."

He listened to my words before returning inside my head for a second look, probably trying to find a loophole or something silly like that. He would have to kill me first and I doubted that he would kill the only familiar thing in his life at the minute. I slowly wrapped my arm around his waist and laid the other hand on his chest. I could feel the hard muscle there. My hand, curious, felt his torso beneath his shirt which reeked of death and blood. I could feel more protruding muscles than Carlisle had. Edward was leaner than Carlisle, but Edward had more defined muscles. I suppose that made up for something. Lanky men never really lit my candle, if you understand what I mean.

A tiny sustained growl escaped his throat as I slipped my hand under his shirt, caressing the skin just above the waistline of his pants. I must admit, it was strange. I was almost used to feeling Edward's fiery skin beneath my icy touch. Now he was the same temperature as me. He was not overly warm or cool but I think he caught an image of his ill self in my mind as I felt his skin. He froze.

"Was I really as ill as I looked?" he murmured. "Did that man, Carlisle, save me from death?"

All I could do was nod and think about France, so he would not know that I was the one who saved him. He was confused but his hand rose and his knuckles brushed my cheek softly. I savored his touch; feeling a prickle under the skin of my cheek. I had not felt that prickle in a long time. My skin responded to being touched by a stranger, a vampire that I had made. I wondered if we shared a bond because it was my venom that flowed through his veins. Perhaps only I could feel it. Carlisle's venom flowed through my veins and I felt no special bond with him, but perhaps he felt that same something that I felt as Edward touched me.

"Shall I summon him?" I whispered, my voice low and husky again. "You could show him your appreciation…"

Edward froze again, awestruck by my words. He had never heard of such a thing. Two men in lustful company was something that did not happen often. In society, homosexuality was looked down upon. Men were expected to have a beautiful little wife that was there to look pretty and say nothing; to be seen and not heard. Edward was probably raised in such society; however the muscles that protruded from his abdomen were not something I was expecting. The fatter one was, the richer you could say they were. But someone like Edward being so fit yet skinny, just screamed 'I was going to join the army' at me. It was obvious that he had never trained or fought due to his amateur fighting with Carlisle, but if he had not been dying of Spanish Influenza he would probably have been enrolled the army by now.

"What?" he asked, his voice full of confusion. "I- I- could not- he- is…"

He was at a loss for words but I could see that the very idea ignited something deep inside. Edward needed distracted which was not hard but his attention could sway in a blink of a second. Fortunately, lust was an emotion that no vampire could ignore no matter how bloodthirsty they were. Carlisle had been finding us a home somewhere west over the past three days, and also trying to find himself a job as a physician as well. He was finishing up now; I could hear him downstairs stapling papers together. He was probably listening to us as we were talking of him. I wondered idly how the conversation was affecting him. Would he welcome Edward's appreciation if he were to show it?

I made a noise somewhere along the lines of 'pfft'. I hissed, "We go both ways."

I jumped then, grabbed his face and forced his lips to mine, all in one fluid movement. He was not expecting it at all; the snap decision was not something I had been thinking about at that second. He knew that I was going to jump him eventually, but he could not know whenever I did not even know myself. I kissed him with a passion and force that was anything but human. Something he would not recognize. Before I knew it, he was kissing me back with same passion, trying to convert his thirst into another kind of lust. His teeth clashed with mine before clamping hard on my tongue. I hissed in pain but continued to kiss him, ignoring his animalistic newborn tendencies. He did not know his own strength and either did I. He could break me but I did not care. I wanted to be broken. I wanted to be hurt and abused until I was begging for more. I did not want to make love to this man. Love was something I did not understand but used the word without a second thought anyway.

Edward hurt me. He held me too tight, touched me too hard and kissed me too violently. I felt my skin crack and repair itself over and over, and I barely made a dent in his. He used me in a way no woman ought to be used. I knew Carlisle heard but he would not come unless he was called. I had brought this on myself. He was still angry at me for being so selfish. Perhaps not intervening with this violent act was his way of saying '_he will never be gentle with you now_'. And I knew that he was correct. I had given Edward my permission to use my body sadistically to distract him from his thirst. It was like telling a child he could hit his mother whenever he was shouted at.

That was when I heard the name slip from Edward's lips. I heard Carlisle slowly climbing the stairs at a human pace. Edward threw me to the other end of the room, uncaring. He was no longer the virtuous gentleman that was horrified with the thought of having sex with a man or abusing a woman. I scrambled to the corner, sore from what he had done. I curled up in the fetal position, watching as Edward pounced on Carlisle the very second he opened the door. I could feel the cracks in my skin and I could hear the tiny whine of pain slipping from back of my throat. Then I realized that the pain was not physical, but emotional. I watched how fervently they kissed and how Carlisle was not afraid to hurt Edward or teach him his place. He was not the kind and gentle man who was too afraid to change a human into a vampire.

I realized something then; never let a newborn think he is in charge. Three vampires in this little coven of nomads had taught me that there has to be a packing order, or else hell will break loose between the newer vampires. Carlisle was the alpha, I could see it in the way he treated Edward. Edward was the beta, the right hand man even though he had only been in this little coven for merely hours. I did not know where I stood. Was I alpha female? Carlisle's mate? Or the gamma; someone who stood at the left hand side of the alpha? Perhaps I was alpha female. Carlisle never treated me like the way he treated Edward, even when I was a newborn. Perhaps in Carlisle's instincts he viewed me as a mate. I felt a little humbled at that thought. Although, I could not believe Edward had called Carlisle simply to be taken advantage of. Perhaps Edward needed to be taught his place, just as much as I did.

* * *

We moved almost dead south, though we were heading a little ways to the west. A town called Biloxi lies about ninety miles or so north east of New Orleans. Carlisle could not find employment anywhere this far south but he told Edward and I that it was only temporary. We would be living there for a couple of months, maximum. The only reason we had to move there was to make sure no recognized Edward Masen. The first few days were hard. None of us could exchange a word with each other, still feeling uncomfortable by that night where the animals inside overpowered us. Edward was out for days for a time, hunting over and over. Fortunately his gift was useful. He felt ashamed to take human life and practically lived in the forest.

I sat in my new bedroom, sitting cross-legged in the centre of the massive bed. My eyes had already analyzed the room, ceiling to floor. Honestly, it was too small. The bed itself took up all of the space the room had to offer and when I first entered this room I had to climb onto the bed as soon as I entered the room. It really was just a _bed-room_.

Of course, because the overly large bed the door could not be closed. I did not mind however. It meant I could see who ever passed me. No, that was not the reason why I did not mind. The real reason was that I wanted Carlisle. I wanted him to explain to me how covens worked and if there really was an order to them. I did not understand where Edward and I stood in Carlisle's eyes.

I heard him climbing the stairs, knowing it was him because Edward moved an awful lot faster whenever he wanted to be somewhere. Carlisle was always trying to be human, from the way he tried to save lives to the way he walked everywhere so slowly. My middle and index fingers crossed, a way a human would if they wanted something to happen. I hoped that Carlisle would come to me, climb onto the bed I was sitting so unladylike on and hold me so tight that I could feel myself crack. Truth be told, I had a unique obsession with breaking. If you held a human too tight, they would bruise. If you held a vampire too tight, they would crack like a piece of pottery. However, unlike a ceramic tile, the crack would mend within minutes depending on how much blood was in the said vampire's system.

Once upon a time in my human life, I was abused. Abused to the point of almost insanity. I was always bruised or bleeding. Inside I was slowly dying. I know that the violence I had endured during my human life affected me now. As much as I hated getting hurt back then, I could not live without that torture now. I was not completely sure why, but I had grown up with torment. I had grown up getting hit and kicked whether I did or did not deserve it. Perhaps the endurance to that distress evolved into masochism somewhere along the way. I did not understand but sometimes I yearned for it.

Carlisle paused outside my doorframe for a few moments. I could hear his breathing and feel his eyes boring into me. I wondered what he saw there. Did he see the sadness of a little girl who could not die? Did he see the yearning of a child who could not grow up? A girl who could never age a day, who could never stand beside Carlisle in civil society as his wife? I sighed. I would never be a mind reader like Edward. No matter how much I wanted to know, even for a second, what Carlisle was thinking… I would never know.

"Oh Isabella," he murmured and my eyes darted to where he stood. Except I was too slow. Before I could even contemplate, he was next to me and nuzzling my neck. I smiled. My arms gripped him, never ever wanting to let go to the beautiful dead man who could never love me.


	6. Chorus

**Chapter Five: Chorus**

As I stared out at the sea, I found New Orleans in the distance. The wind whipped my hair around my face wildly and I breathed the ocean air in so deeply, I could almost feel it in my dead heart. My skin sparkled faintly in the dying light. The glinting caught the corner of my eye, and I could not even pretend I was human. The wind was strong and maybe even cold to warmer skin but to me, it was almost as warm as standing next to an open fire. There was no life here, not that evening. A hurricane was coming. I could feel the stirring in the air, and the water rising into the atmosphere. It would not hit New Orleans, or anywhere close. Perhaps, somewhere down south. I could not really tell. It was far too early. The hurricane itself could take weeks, maybe even months to form into a perilous monster.

I doubt it was the early formation of a hurricane that was keeping people away from the beach. I think the total was three people that had died here now. Carlisle was certain that there was a nomad vampire wandering the streets of Biloxi. We were sure it was not Edward, as his self control was absolutely flawless. I could almost see flecks of gold in his eyes now, merely weeks after his change. I wondered how he could it. I was not going to ask him, as we had not spoken since that un-fateful night. Edward and I had gotten off to a bad start. I wondered if it was always going to damage our friendship, maybe more. I was going to have to confront him eventually. However, an irrational intimidation had fallen over me whenever I even tried to speak to him. There was no need for me to feel afraid though. I was much older than him.

Carlisle had sent me to the beach that evening, hoping I could talk to the stranger. If there was one thing Carlisle knew so well about nomads, it was that they could not resist conversation with another like themselves. They were lonely creatures who craved social company. He or she would not attack me. They were not newborn, as the whole town would be dead if they were. No, this vampire was well controlled but could have been more inconspicuous. Carlisle was hoping that a little conversation would urge him or her to move on. We could not stay here if the wanderer continued to kill. It was only a matter of time until Edward's self control snapped, after all.

"Good evening."

The voice did not surprise me. I had heard the footfalls and the deep breathing long before. The voice was male, and of course, lovely. He must have caught my scent and ran here. The way he breathed so slowly, so deeply did surprise me. He must have been a tracker. They all breathed like that. Tracking was something that came instinctually to vampires, though some were better than others. I could tell Edward was not going to be a brilliant tracker. Carlisle and I were mediocre but this man standing behind me, tracking was his passion. His very breathing told me so.

I turned around slowly, with a friendly smile on my lips. The vampire was as lovely as his voice. His face had a sort of acquired look to it – it was either lovely or plain. His ruby tinged black eyes met mine in a friendly gaze. He seemed nice enough. It was hard to believe someone as kind and exquisite as this man before could go around killing innocent bystanders strolling down a beach. However, it was up to the vampire to what he wanted to do with his life. If he wanted to live from human blood then I was not going to hold that against him. However, there was something in me, a wanting somewhere deep, that wanted to be him. I wanted to run free and drink the elixir my heart yearned for. I wanted to see the world and taste each savory and sweet blood over and over again. But I could not. Carlisle would be so disappointed.

"Hello," I replied, my voice equally as friendly as his. "How are you?"

He shrugged a little and gazed out at the ocean. I turned back and watched for the a few seconds as the sun was swallowed by the horizon. At that exact moment, both mine and the strangers' skin stopped glittering. The night time was our time. While God with his holy light tried to expose us, Satan gave us the night to roam free and do what we were created to do.

"Thirsty," he replied, a little bitterness curdling with the friendliness of his tone. "And you?"

I turned around again, and looked up into his eyes. He met my gaze and saw the brown-black of my eyes. When red eyes were fading, they ranged from ruby, to dark red, to reddish brown and finally to black. Golden eyes however, ranged from golden, to yellow ochre, to brown before settling on black. Right now, mine were brown. I liked my eyes being brown, despite the ache in my throat. My eyes were milk chocolate brown when I was human. I felt a little closer to my human self when my eyes were brown.

"The same," I murmured.

"Ah, you waste your existence on animals. I would not call what you do existing, more surviving in my opinion. Open yourself to finer things. This life is a song; you do not simply want to hear the first verse over and over. Human blood gives you reason to continue on. It lets you live the whole song, not just the first verse. Move onto the chorus, my dear."

His eyes were so passionate as how he compared this life to a song. He was right. Animal blood did not satisfy me. I did not look forward to feeding again and again, which just seemed to emphasize how repetitive things really were. Perhaps if I lived from human blood, I would not notice the repetitiveness. I would look forward to feeding, think of more thrilling ways to feed and be able to enjoy life, like a song.

I yearned to take this stranger's hand and let him take me to the chorus. My hand offered itself and he took it. We were running, far and fast. We headed away from the sea, sticking to shadows. I did not know where we were going. I do not think I was thinking logically. I was overwhelmed with the thought of drinking human blood. Oh, how I could imagine that succulent liquid running down my throat like the world's most expensive and exotic wine. I could imagine drinking it greedily like it was water and I had been out in the desert for years. The saltiness, the sweetness, the tang, the flavor, the very texture of it excited me to the core.

We were in a brightly lit building, with florescent white lights that hurt my eyes. The stranger pulled me forward, like he knew exactly where he was going. He turned left, and right, down almost endless corridors and the rich aroma of insanity perverted the air. This must have been the Biloxi Asylum. Why were we here? Each man and woman here was under constant supervision. They had papers; proof that they were here and proof that there was no way that they could get out. People would get scared and then curious. The Volturi would then kill us, as we made humans so aware of something supernatural.

He took me to the unit of dark cells. There were four in the dimly lit corridor, which contrasted sharply with the brightly lit hall just behind the set of white doors the stranger and I had just walked through. There were two doors on each wall and each exactly opposite each other. The walls were white and the doors too were white. Once someone was placed inside a dark cell, they never saw the light of day again. They were not supervised, because they simply could not be. The cells were too dark. No one went in, in fear that the lunatic inside would kill them in a split second if they were caught unaware. Food was pushed through a little cat flap kind of thing at the bottom of the door, and perhaps that was the only time when these poor prisoners saw a glimpse of the light.

"I must show her to you," he whispered. "You will be surprised by her current state, Isabella. But, I will let you taste her as she is so beautiful…"

I watched the tracker inhale the air, following the scent he recognized as 'her'. Who was he talking of? A vampire could not have a human to drink from every now and again. One bite, one sip and then if they had the strength to back away, the humans blood would become quickly tainted with venom making it impossible to drink. The venom kept the blood alive and the blood kept the heart alive. The human could simply not be harmed during the conversion. Perhaps this wanderer planned to change this human. Or perhaps, he wanted me to taste her while he sucked the life from her very veins.

"How do you know my name?" I asked him, curious.

He shrugged passively. "That is irrelevant. However, my name is James."

I nodded once and he opened the door. I was not going to pry, in fear that it would give him reason to attack. The lock broke as the door was forced opened. He walked in with me at his heels. Once the heavy door was closed again, I could see how horrible the cell was. Darkness merely tainted the color of matter to my eyes; it did not affect my vision in the slightest. Sitting, trembling in the corner was a very little girl, littler than me. The aroma that tainted the air was the loveliest I had ever inhaled, even better if the air was not stale and smelt of human filth. My gift no longer protected me. The sound of this little lunatic's blood sung out for me, yearning to be free from her veins. Why did she smell so delicious? My experience in the tasting of human blood was not excellent. Human blood smelt the same to me, no matter where or when. But this little human, she smelt so mouthwatering. I could feel the bloodlust flair somewhere in a deep primal side of me.

"Why does she smell so lovely?" I asked James in hushed whispers. The little girl had her face buried in her knees; she had yet to notice our presence in her cell.

"Have you ever heard of a gifted human?" he asked me, his eyes not leaving the lunatic.

I shook my head. "Are you saying that this human has a power only the supernatural should possess?" I asked, astounded.

He nodded with a smirk playing on his lips. "She is clairvoyant. Mary can see things that are going to happen. That is why she smells so positively appetizing. I have tasted her blood by cutting her flesh and tasting the blood that smothers my fingers whenever I do so."

My lips parted lightly, shaping in a little 'o'. "How can you, human blood drinker, have such control?"

He shrugged. "Tis not normal, I shall admit to you. However, you have yet to take a look at my little girl."

I watched the little girl as he spoke. She was so thin, her hair greasy and as black as midnight. It stuck up wildly, like it was growing back after having it shaved off. I felt a little relief in that thought. Her hair was not overly long, which meant that she had not been in here all her life. I could not see her face but her limbs twitched every so often. My mouth parted, finding it hard to remember my own name as I glanced around the room. Moldy food and human excrement covered the entire cell. The toilet was blocked and filled with brown water, while the bedding in the corner was infested with lice and fleas. No human ought to have lived in a hell like this.

James held his hand out pointedly at the girl. He raised his voice from a whisper to full volume, so the girl could hear. "Mary, how are you feeling?"

The little girl's head shot up at the voice. Her silver eyes seemed so out of place, darting endlessly for the source of the voice. Her lips were parted, but somehow, her gaze seemed detached from the situation. Almost like she was not looking for James, but looking at something else. Scrutinizing it endlessly until she could figure out what it was she saw. I guessed this was what James meant. Mary could see the future and she saw something there and then.

"James," her voice was hoarse but very high in pitch, almost shrill to my overly sensitive ears. "Where are you?"

"What you must know about little Mary," James said to me, still speaking at full volume, "is that she is very much blind. All she can see is the future, which is a great deal of a blur to her. The tension migraines drove her into insanity. Isn't that right, Mary?"

Mary nodded exuberantly, her spiky hair bobbing as she did so. Her eyes continued to move blindly around the room. "Isabella," she murmured, her voice contemplating. "I know of you. I saw you coming. I keep seeing you. I want to tell you something. Come closer."

My eyes darted to James, seeking his permission to approach his human. He nodded once, a smug smile tugging the corners of his lips. I walked towards Mary and sat next to her. She felt my presence by her side and she pressed her lips against my ear. She whispered things to me, words that did not make sense. Almost, like she was speaking backwards to me. But she repeated what she said over and over. I realized she was doing this so James would not understand. He would give up trying to listen in a few moments. My eyes widened at her words that suddenly made sense. The words themselves were mangled into gibberish but I understood so well.

"Bite me."

Suddenly, she pulled away and leaned her little head against James' shoulder, who had sat down by her other side whilst she was speaking to me. He stroked her spiky hair possessively but I could see something in his eyes. Something I had not seen in tainted red eyes before, maybe other than my own when I was new. I saw love there. James was either in love with this blind little human or he was in love with her beautiful blood. He pressed his lips against her greasy hair, unfazed by her lack of sanity. I suppose a vampire like James who was probably as old as Carlisle had probably lived in the sewers at one stage. The sanitation of sewers had very much improved in the last two hundred years, but I suppose little Mary was very clean compared to a sewer back then.

Her neck was exposed to me. I could do it. I had the strength, of course. I had the restraint, even if this human was special. James had his nose pressed against her wrist, inhaling the intoxication that resonated from it. He seemed under a trance, smelling her blood. Before I knew it, his fingernail had scratched the surface of her wrist and blood had risen to the surface. I felt the animal inside me come to life at the sight of blood, but I restrained him. I was thirsty, but not for this girl's blood. This little girl wanted to become a vampire so she would not have to spend the rest of her days in this dark little cell.

The blood from her wrist smothered his fingers but Mary leaned into his touch. She liked his fingers probing the wound she had just made. Her eyes however, were not on James. They were still moving around the room, still analyzing the future before her. I wondered what it felt like, to have a body in the past and eyes in the future. I could not imagine it at all. My eyes took the fragile girl in. Her cheeks were gaunt and her eyes were so wide, it looked like it hurt. Her features were petite, and she must not have even been five feet tall. Her body was thin in the extreme with small, almost pixie-like features. Her eyebrows were long, delicate even. Perhaps the result of having them shaved off and now they were growing back. However, my eyes were for the massive bulge where her stomach should have been. Her legs, arms and head had hidden it before. But now, I could clearly see it and my inhalation must have been obvious.

James smiled at my notice and quickly licked his fingers. He said, "I said you would be surprised, and I was correct. Little Mary here is pregnant with my baby. Is that not wonderful? T'will be my forth now." His voice sounded something similar to a proud father's voice when he was talking of his wife carrying his baby. I knew enough of half breeds to understand that this was his forth baby, but they had not all come from Mary. A woman could only ever carry one half human vampire child because death waited in the shadows for any lady who carried one of those creatures within her womb. How could James do this to her? Especially since the girl lived in a hell hole! It just did not seem right. And he sat there drinking the blood that her child so desperately needed. And Carlisle said I was selfish…

James sucked every drop of the blood off his fingers before catching the blood dripping from her wrist. He then held her wrist out to me. "Taste her. Believe me, she is beautiful," he suggested pleasantly. My lips remained still as I ran my little finger over her wound. Mary still seemed out of it, like two vampires feasting on her blood was not worth her attention. I brought it to my mouth and unintentionally smiled at the taste. It was so lovely, so sweet yet bitter. The tang was just right. Mary's blood was absolutely beautiful, even better that Edward's.

I heard James chuckle at my smile before shuffling quickly to get onto his knees. He pressed his bloody fingers against my lips, covering them in blood. And then before I knew it, his lips were on mine. We fought for the blood that covered my lips, licking and sucking greedily, both wanting that sweet essence that was little Mary's blood. I pulled on his tattered shirt, bringing myself to my knees. He roughly brought Mary's wrist to my hair and wiped it there, soaking random hairs on my head with blood. A drop rolled from my scalp and down the centre of my forehead. James could play out his wildest of fantasies with me. I was a stranger, not someone he would have to look at every day. I was also a vampire. He could not be so rough if I was human, and it was certainly obvious that James had slept with Mary. The last thing was that I shared his bloodlust. I shared his thirst, I shared his hunger and craved beautiful blood just like he.

He kissed my hair, but I use the word loosely. He licked and sucked at each hair, trying to taste every little drop of blood that saturated it. My teeth were so near his neck. I bit down hard, and he awarded me with a snarl. I laughed, but he did not find it as funny. The animal had taken control of him. He ripped my clothes from both mine and his bodies, before plunging deep inside me until I hissed in pain. His face was buried in my hair, and I continued to lick the tears of blood my scalp cried when they dripped onto my lips. With each thrust, I felt myself being driven into a frenzy. I could feel my skin crack and my bones rattle. While Mary just lay there, her wrist finally scabbing over. Her eyes were closed, like she was sleeping. Now was the time, whilst James was preoccupied.

I reached over and grabbed her scabbed wrist. I bit down, careful not to bite out a chunk of her skin. As I retracted my teeth from her skin, she did not even flinch. The venom ought to have been burning her, even now. But her eyes did not flutter and she continued to breathe evenly, just like she was asleep.

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**A/n: Okay, I'm insanely sorry for the delay with these chapters. 'Second Chances' was recently accepted on Twilighted, and because I have been trying to get this on there since 2008, I'm pretty overjoyed, I'll admit. So, up to Chapter 10 is written.**

**Unfortunately, only reviews will convince me to keep updating this on fanfiction . net :(**


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